Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
