i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
