Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
