Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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