literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
