he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
