My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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