my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
