WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
