You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
