i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
