with your own penis?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
