It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
