I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
