Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
