Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
