Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Threesome in a minivan. New low
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
