I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
