I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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