we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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