I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
