What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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