Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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