I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
