Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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