I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
