don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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