I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
false alarm. still invincible.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
