Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Who wears a wallet chain?!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
