WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
