i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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