So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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