the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
