If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
