no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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