brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
