Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
