if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
