when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
