the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
whose ass print is on the piano?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
