I think my vagina is haunted
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
