I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
