Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize