i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
