i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
