Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
