Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
