I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
