Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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