he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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