My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
