she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
