if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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