New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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