perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
