I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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