Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
