yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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