I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
