For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
