you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
