I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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