Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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