You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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