all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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