Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
