My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
