Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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