and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we're so committed to being not committed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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