my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize