turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
