Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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