how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize