No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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