I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize