you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
