I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
