I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
