so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
